We are walking into town and I say the words out loud, “I don’t like making decisions.” I have decision fatigue.
How do you make plans for a day when you could do everything and still feel like you missed out? How do you know when to be a yes man and when to be a no man? We had spent all morning debating travel plans. Do we rent a car? Do we go on a boat tour? Do we try to do another country? Do we just stay at the beach? What do we want to do?
It felt like God needed to use an illustration.
We walk into town with our plan for the day. A boat trip to the Island for a relaxing day at the beach. I felt so content with this idea and excited to rest.
But as we walked through the town we saw that today was the Croatian food festival. Every restaurant in town had a table for a buffet style lunch. Price of admission was $5.
Should we do it?
Back and fourth. Back and fourth. Pros and cons. It’s cheap. We already bought snacks. It’s traditional Croatian food. Will we be late for the boat. Is it buffet or one item? Will I be anxious from all the options? Will it be fun to try it?
We decide to be yes man. Why not try it? Let’s do both in one day? Food festival and beach day.
My card is not working at the atm. It’s 12:02 and the festival has started and the tables are beginning to clear. I’m feeling my anxiety rise. The woman at the table takes forever to give us the plate and doesn’t explain how it works.
We head to the first table we see. I make eye contact with the woman serving and nod yes. Even though I have no idea what she said. She takes my plate and heaps on a serving of gnocchi and pork. Definitely not what I thought I was getting. Then she asks for my ticket.
Wait? I thought this was buffet? Nope, one ticket one serving. I look down at my plate, this is not what I want.
She can see the disappointment on my face and gives me a napkin with a piece of cake.
I watch my friend look around and she gets the seafood and calamari. That’s what I wanted.
We continue walking. Some vendors are giving seconds without a ticket so we keep walking. Plates and hands are full, One man puts a dessert in my elbow because I have no more hands to carry it.
We settle on a spot to eat. I’m shoveling the food in my mouth without tasting it. Anxiety. Fear. Comparison. Eat quick maybe you can go get more. I wish I had her food. There’s so much going on I can’t think.
Halfway through I decide to stop. I like my food but not enough to eat it all. I’m okay to throw it away. It’s time for take two.
This time is different. I walk down the road knowing that I could get everything or nothing and be content. I don’t want to get sucked in. I see so many people pushing and shoving. Plates are full but they are heaping on more.
Now when I walk down I look up from the food and smile at the vendors. I laugh as he puts to clementines in my hands and points to the figs I should try. I walk to another. “What should I try?” I ask. “Anything, all good.” He says. No more decisions please. I reach for one and he says, “No no!” He flips my hand over and places another in it with a smile.
I come back. Grapes, a fig, two clementines, and something fried. But I’m content.
We walk away trying to process the craziness of what we have just seen. The gluttony of humanity on full display. Cue the song, “I want it all.”
It’s how I have been feeling. I want to do it all. But what if I choose the wrong thing. The wrong country. The wrong experience. The world is your oyster, but what if more options means more anxiety.
I looked back at the buffet experience and realized that what I enjoyed about it was not the food, it was the people. I loved connecting with the vendors as they placed things in my hand with a smile or a wink. That was the experience I enjoyed.
And that’s how it is with God. I can have all the experiences in the world, but it’s not actually about the experiences. It’s about connecting with him through the places and travel. And as I walk through the buffet line of life he keeps taking my hand and placing good things in it. Try this, have some of this. Eat this.
The things I have found to enjoy the most were things I didn’t plan but just received. Things I can’t take credit for.
But I’m learning. I am learning how to decide what I actually want. I’m learning the balance between making plans and holding an open hand for Gods plans for the day. Maybe they are one in the same. I’m learning to invite him into each moment and decision. To make my plans with him and enjoy the connection I get with him as I walk through each adventure.
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