I started working in full-time ministry about 3 years ago. And before that I had very little ministry experience. I wasn’t super involved in my youth group growing up and in college I had friends who were involved in ministries like Young Life, but I never did any of that. So when I was interviewing for the job I was super excited but I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I remember asking the woman who had the job what a typical day or week would even look like. Because I had no context for life in ministry. And the first year of ministry felt like I was drinking from a fire house of learning and a steep uphill of growing. So I’ve been reflecting on the past years and how I’ve grown and changed. I’ve also been asked so many times myself, “What do you do during the day?” So I wanted to share some lessons I have learned and what a typical week looks like in youth ministry. This is what I would want to share if I was sitting down with my younger self three years ago about to start this job.
Lessons to a new youth pastor:
1. Find yourself a mentor – one of the best things I could have done in my first few weeks in ministry was to find an older woman who was well experienced in youth ministry and ask her to be my mentor. This was a woman who had been in my role a few years before and she had also worked at another church in student ministry. She was so wise and she asked me really great, intentional questions about fears I had and how God has gifted me for this role. Here’s her email she sent me.
What couple of areas [of youth min] seem the most daunting right now? In other words, in what areas do you feel the greatest need to grow personally? (teaching, one-on-one discipleship, general ministry/life organization, how to foster friendship/growth among students, reaching kids on the fringe, ideas of different ways to hang out with kids, _____________, etc)
Youth pastors wear a lot of hats...but even so, do you have a sense of how the Lord has specifically gifted YOU to do this? What was something that happened during Lake Week that gave you joy?
Just because I've never met you, I'm curious as to why you chose to do youth ministry post-Fellows?
Here were of some of the questions I asked her:
I would love to hear about your first years starting out in ministry. What it was like, expectations you had, how you grew and changed. What are some common things to expect in the beginning of ministry, things you found helpful.
General thoughts on starting, building and maintaining relationships with kids. And specifically discipling relationship.
What are some things I can be doing that will help me to grow.
Facing fears to step out of my comfort zone or discouragement about ministry.
I remember walking away from my first coffee with her and thinking, “She’s going to be my mentor! I want to learn so much from her.” That first meeting showed me how much I had to learn and as I’ve continued meeting with her I’ve seen so much growth in the ministry and my own walk with the Lord.
2. Contact work – So this is what most of my questions were when I was starting. It was hard for me to wrap my head around the “how” to hang out with students and then how to disciple them (help them grow in their relationship with Jesus). This just seemed like such a foreign concept. So the first thing I would say is that it is just like making friends. It can be hard at first because it’s like being the new kid in the classroom. But you just have to start small and get to know people’s names and ask intentional questions when you are with them. It helps to remember specific things about them and to follow-up with those questions. Initiating is also hard but it gets easier with more practice and the more you do it. So just start asking kids to hangout. Just like you would if you were wanting to build a friendship with anyone. You would find out what they like to do or do something you like to do together. I think the most awkward thing is asking for a student’s phone number, but again it gets easier with time. So just ask for their number, then text them and ask them if they want to do a specific activity (biking, ice cream, mini golf) on a specific day (Monday at 3pm?). And then if I don’t hear back I keep texting and asking. I always have a list in my wallet of fun activities that I could do with a student. And I keep a list of fun and intentional questions so I can have things to talk about. It’s good to remember that this can be super awkward the first few times. But these times are so important. These are opportunities to get to know students and build trust with them. You are “earning the right to be heard” as they would say in YoungLife. It’s also good to be proactive and plan out the week ahead of time. Schedule students for specific days.
3. Intentional discipleship – This is different from contact work. It can take many forms but essentially it is meeting with a student to help them know the Lord and grow in their relationship with Him. I love the phrase, “follow me as I follow Jesus.” And it looks different in different relationships. One girl I met with for two years almost every week. We started reading the Bible together and asking questions about the passage, then we read books together. Now she has graduated and our time is usually a walk where we catch up about life, she asks me questions and we apply the Gospel to life. Once you’ve built a relationship with a student, just ask them if they would like to meet to read a book or study the Bible together. Ask them what they would like to learn. Set expectations for the time – 4 weeks for one hour on Thursdays. Then ask them about their life and how they see this applying to their situation. Share about your own life and struggles. Then when you finish make a clear conclusion and finish well so they aren’t left with any lose ends.
4. Wardrobe – This is a funny one but I seriously needed to know what I should wear each day. I wish someone had told me to just be myself and wear what I want to wear. To be professional and fun but to also show my personality in my clothes. I think I spent a long time trying to figure out what a “youth pastor” would wear and instead I should have been asking “What would Lindsey wear?” Be you in your style and in how you do ministry. Don’t try to be someone else or what other people expect you to be or what they think a youth pastor should be. God has called you to this position and he created you with all of your personality and he is going to use that to minister to kids in a specific way that no one else could do. Once I finally started stepping into that and believing it I found so much freedom to do ministry as me. In both my wardrobe and teaching, discipleship, mentoring. I was being myself.
5. Get to know parents – It seriously makes such a difference. Take them out to coffee or ask if you can go to their house for dinner with the whole family. It builds so much trust with them once they know who you are. They don’t get to interact with you as much as students do and it’s important for them to feel like they can trust you. You are taking their most prized possession, their children, on retreats and overnights and teaching them. This will also build trust with students. It’s crazy how much more a student is comfortable and will open up to you if they know that their parents trust you as well.
6. Ask what they want to do – I think I often forget to involve myself in students’ lives. I go to their activities and sporting events and I involve them in my life and what I like to do. But I’ve been learning to ask more what they like to do and try to do that with them. If I learn they like golfing I want them to teach me. Or if they like a video games maybe I can play it with them.
7. Pray pray pray!!! Pray for everything. For students for programming for parents and families. Pray for students before you are with them so that God can prepare you for the meeting. Pray while you are with them that God would bring things to the light. Pray for them while you are with them. Pray when you leave and immediately lift up their requests to the Lord. You get to be a server and take the orders to the kitchen. That’s what you are doing when you pray for someone else. You are taking their requests to the Lord.
8. Student Ministry meeting – It’s so important to bring people into the ministry. Both students and parents and leaders. Have a parent meeting at the beginning of the years and end of the year. Connect with parents and learn from them. Have a meeting with students allows them to have ownership and responsibilities in the ministry.
9. Leaders want to be led – I know it can be hard to lead your peers and people that are older than you. But leaders want to be led. This was the best advice that I could have been given. Don’t be afraid of what they will think of you. You need to prepare them for the programming and get them ready for the night. They are looking to you to be like the coach in the huddle before the big game. This can be intimidating but it’s your job and God has equipped you for it. Lean into it!
10. Involve students in your life and ministry – bring them along in whatever you do. If you are cooking a meal for a family, have them help you. If you’re folding laundry invite them over. If you are doing work, have them bring their homework. They are seeing how the Gospel is applied and how you live it out in these everyday tasks. Also involved them in in the ministry. Ask them what they want to do or learn. Or where they want to go on a retreat. Help them take ownership.
11. It’s hard to let go of students – Every year a new class graduates and goes to college. This is the hardest part of losing your friends each year. But this is part of the calling and you need to let them go. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to say goodbye to my friends. It’s also a reminder to keep making friends. There is a new group of 6th graders each year and I need to get to know them and build a relationship with them.
12. You are a major connection between members and the church of all generations. Just remember that at a big church you might be the main connection that a lot of these students or parents have with the church. Make sure to take the time to really say hi to them when you see them. Assume that you are the person that can make them feel welcome in the body of Christ.
13. There’s always more going on than you think – a student will tell you they are stressed but they won’t tell you that they are having panic attacks every night. Keep close to the Holy Spirit to be able to discern when there is more going on. It’s also a helpful reminder when teaching and it looks like no one is listening or paying attention. There is always more going on under the surface and Satan would love for us to assume they aren’t listening. But I’m always surprised when a student will say “remember that time you said…” and my jaw drops that they remembered what I said.
14. Keep texting keep pursuing. It can feel like you are being pushing but remember that you probably aren’t the main priority. And always assume the best of the student and you don’t know the full reason of why they are saying know or can’t come or aren’t answering. Pursue them in the same way the Lord pursues us.
15. Student to student can do way more than you. Once you start a chain reaction where students are discipling one another it can radically change your ministry. I love watching them speak life to one another and the way that they can connect on a level that I never could. Pour into a few leaders and let them pour into one another.
So you’re wondering what I actually do during the week? Well, here’s a typical week in Student Ministry:
Monday: Sabbath – Mondays are my day off since I work on Sundays. So I take a full day off to rest and be restored.
Tuesday:
Admin Day! I head to the office I have in the church! I love my office :) and I have a staff meeting. I used to be on a team, but since he left I have been the Interim Director and I have my weekly staff meetings by myself! Yes, I do get strange looks when people walk by and see me talking to myself. This is where manager Lindsey tells worker Lindsey what she needs to do for the week.
Then I send a parent email with a scripture encouragement and the upcoming events and programming. I plan the details for programming that week; what do I need to buy for games, schedule time with students and parents, plan what leaders will be doing for programming. Then I prep for Middle School Bible Study in the evening and send out texts reminders to students. In the evening I head over to a family’s home that is hosting and teach about 10 girls from 7-8:30pm.
Wednesday:
Prayer time for students: Scheduled time (30 minutes) to pray for students and families and leaders. Lift up specific situations or prayer requests, or upcoming events.
Staff Meeting: I’m on staff at a church of about 15 people. Our head pastor leads the meeting. This is a time of catching up on each other’s lives and hearing updates about different ministries and church wide updates.
Send an email to Confirmation Parents recapping the last class and the upcoming week’s homework and lesson.
Work on any long-term project: Retreats or special events. Make reservations or plan teachings.
Read the teachings for the week. Start a draft of my talks for Sunday.
Meet with a student in the afternoon. Grab coffee or go do something fun.
Thursday:
Leader Email in the morning. Communicate about jobs they will do and the agenda for Sunday evening.
Spend time writing and practicing my talk for Sunday.
Prep for a meeting with a student in the afternoon. We are reading a book together. Read the book and come up with questions.
Meet with the student.
Possibly go to a student event in the evening (soccer or basketball game) CHEER!!
Friday:
Make the Instagram and slides for Sunday
Text students reminders about youth group on Sunday! Love hearing that they are excited to come, always sad when they can’t make it.
Prep game supplies for Sunday
Set up Henning House
Text Leaders
Meet with a parent for coffee.
Order Pizza for Sunday
Prep confirmation teaching and handouts.
Practice Teaching
Fun event with Students in the evening: game night, movie night, shopping.
Saturday: Off
Sunday: The Big Day!
Set up for Confirmation Class in the morning
Teach confirmation
Go to church
Head home and eat some lunch, maybe call a family member
Head over to the Henning House (our youth house) to start prepping for the night. Usually gone from 2:30-9:30pm.
Set up the house: slides, games, teachings. Practice the teachings one more time and look at the Agenda for the night.
Middle School Pulse starts at 4-6pm. Leaders arrive at 3:30pm. We have a leader meeting and run through the night and spend some time praying for the evening.
Pulse: Games, Activity (memory verse, coloring or skits) Teaching and Small Group time.
6:00 Pulse ends and we have a recap meeting.
Then I quickly eat my dinner and go to the bathroom and start setting up for High School ministry which starts at 7pm.
6:30pm High School Leaders arrive. We have a leader meeting similar to MS and run through the night and pray.
Basics: Games, Welcome, Teaching and Small Group Time
9:00 wrap up and clean from the day and have a leader meeting and head home.
Crash into my bed.
And that’s the week! :)
This obviously changes some weeks when we have retreats or an event happening on a Saturday. When that happens I try to take time off during the week as comp time. So I’ll go in later in the morning or leave earlier in the afternoon. And obviously it changes depending on student’s schedules and times that work for them. But for the most part this is the week!
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