I have been thinking about beauty recently. My friend posted on Instagram comparing our beautiful bodies to nature. I loved what she said about how we see the imperfections and the unique aspects of nature as beautiful. When something isn’t the way it’s supposed to be in nature we think this difference is beautiful. And we also accept nature for the beauty that it is. We don’t tell the mountains that they are too tall or a sunset that it should have more purple. We accept it as beautiful, glorious, breath taking and a work of art God has made. But what a difference when we look at our bodies. We see anything unique or different about us and we automatically want to change it. Our culture values sameness and anything that is different about me must be wrong. But what would it mean to look at my body, my hair, my freckles and my skin in the way that I look at the mountains or the sunset. To accept that the author of beauty actually knew what he was doing when he knit me together and thought that the unique or different part of me is actually what makes me beautiful.
I was listening to Priscilla Shirer and she was describing a chapter from her new book on identity. One chapter is called, “My hair story, what’s your hair story?” To summarize she explains her journey of accepting her curly hair. That was the part of her that was different from the other girls and the part that she wanted to change. And I asked myself the same question. What’s my hair story? And I knew exactly what it is. It’s my blonde eye lashes and my blonde eyebrows. It hit my heart when I realized this because all I have been thinking about during quarantine is how excited I am to get them dyed when the salon opens. After a friend mentioned that they could do that I hadn’t stopped thinking about it. I was so excited at the idea of not needing to cover up my eyelashes with mascara if they were dyed. Maybe my eyebrows could match and maybe I could wake up in the morning looking fresh and beautiful. And give my face more structure.
And it hit me for the first time in the car today when I realized that the author of beauty actually DECIDED to give me blonde eyelashes. I guess I’ve always thought that it was a mistake. Like if he could have a redo he would make them darker or give them a little definition. Or maybe I was helping him out a little by adding some color to them. But I thought more and realized that the same God who knows that the thin wisps of clouds over a pink sky add just the beauty it needs is the same God who thought thin blonde hairs were exactly what my face needed. And I can only imagine his sadness when I try to cover that up or I want to change it when I look in the mirror.
So I’m writing this on the night before my friend’s wedding. There will be so many pictures taken tomorrow and I’ve been thinking about and planning my makeup for weeks. The chance to finally get dressed up and look beautiful after weeks of quarantine and sweatpants. And to be honest I know that pictures will be taken and posted on social media. And maybe one of them will be good and my new profile picture. But what if I didn’t wear mascara? What if I didn’t cover up God’s good design? What if I wore my eyebrows and my eyelashes proudly? What if I smiled brightly, batted my very blonde eyelashes for every flash of the camera? What if I enjoyed the sunset and said, “Good job God, I wouldn't change a thing.”
I wrote this first part the night before the wedding as I was lying in bed. Now I want to fast forward and tell you the events of what happened the next day of the wedding.
I woke up in the morning and was so excited for the day! We had planned to start getting ready at 9:30 am to do our hair and makeup. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I was processing the night before. Was I really going to follow through and not wear mascara for the wedding? I hadn’t told anyone and it was a real struggle.
Hair first and then we started on makeup. We didn’t have a makeup artist, but one of the other bridesmaids loves to do makeup and started doing the bride’s and some of the other girl's. I sat there looking at the table of colors and powders and liners and I could feel the tug in my heart. I decided right then that I was going to trust God and what he had placed on my heart and I wouldn’t wear mascara or eyeliner. Instead of covering up, I was going to use makeup to enhance what I loved. I love my smile so I put on bright red lipstick. I highlighted my cheeks that get rosy red with some blush and I found this brown and gold eye shadow and made my eyes really sparkle! When I finished I looked in the mirror and honestly felt a little naked. I was so nervous that someone was going to ask me if I was finished or if I needed help doing my eyes.
We left her house and went to the church and all the girls were in the bathroom looking in the mirror putting on one final coat of lipstick or hairspray. And I have to tell you WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!
I’m staring in the mirror, and the other bridesmaid who was doing everyone else’s makeup turns to me and says, “Your eyelashes are really blonde. I mean they are so blond that they sparkle. I was looking at them earlier and thought you didn’t need anything on them because you could see them when they reflected the light.” I’m not kidding my jaw hit the floor and I have goosebumps as I write this! Oh. My. Gosh.
I turned to her and said “Thank you.” I didn’t know what to do! But I paused and turned back to her and said, “No really, thank you for saying that. You don’t know what that means. I was debating wearing mascara all morning and feeling really insecure and that meant so much.” She didn’t really understand the magnitude of it, but laughed and said, “You’re welcome, they really are so different and beautiful.”
I was driving home from the wedding and in the car thinking about all the beautiful moments from the weekend. And when I get to this part, I just started crying. I realized God had spoken through this girl! In that moment the God of the universe used her to tell me that my eyelashes were beautiful. They are different and unique and just the way he made me. And I call this a wink from God moment. To remind me that he was there and he sees me and He thinks I am beautiful just the way he made me.
So that’s my eyelash story. It’s the part of me that’s different from other people and the part I wish I could change and what I have been trying to change for most of my adult life. But now I know that every time I wear them proudly, God is smiling down at me with joy over his creation.
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