I have been thinking about that question a lot. Especially for this season. It was a question posed on our chapel last week. What does success in our lives look like? What is success for this Fall?
I didn’t really have an answer. I know the Sunday School answer, but what is the answer that is actually in my heart right now and driving all my actions.
I think I’m finally starting to open my hand to God with this year. To hold Italy and all my adventures loosely and let him direct my path. It feels like letting go of the expectations I have and allowing myself to be surprised.
It also relieved some of the pressure that I was feeling. Pressure to make the most of living in Rome and traveling everywhere and having lots of experiences. I think I lowered the bar for myself. I had this thought - what if all I do is the program activities? What if that’s it? I think I would be okay with that. I would still have amazing experiences and meet amazing people because this program is filled with good things. And the rest is just icing on the cake.
And it’s brought so much freedom. It has refocused my attention to what my priorities are. What is success? It’s to love God and love others. And He placed me here to care for students and love people and love Him more. And that may look different than the romantic comedy version of this year that I was hoping for or expecting.
In chapel he shared the story of this student who was failing a class and never did any of the homework. He decided he was going to try and turn it around at the end of the semester with his last paper. He stays up all night and works all day on the paper and it’s the best one he’s ever written. At the end he hands it in, so proud of his work. He gets it back from the teacher and turns to the grade and it’s a big F. With a note underneath saying, "amazing paper, wrong assignment." And he failed the class.
I guess I’m realizing that I don’t want to get to the end of this year and have God say, wrong assignment.
So all that to say I am trying to refocus my priorities and remember why God has called me here. I am on mission to love God and others. And it’s a gift to do that in a beautiful place, as long as it takes it rightful place in my heart.
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